a queef is a wish your heart makes.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
