He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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