Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
