wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
