I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just invented taco cereal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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