Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize