names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i've created a new STD.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
