things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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