Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
