ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Everyone says I win the strip club
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize