I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
