I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
