Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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