I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
