I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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