I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
