I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
