weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
