I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
