She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
