When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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