on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Your penis caused this!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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