I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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