My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he fucked my hip out of place.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
