What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
