The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
