i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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