Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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