You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
