but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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