You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
