haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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