Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
