one two three fourrrrnication!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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