Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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