Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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