can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
