If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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