Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
