Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
