Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
