He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
