Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
