What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
