As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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