i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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