How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
