So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
