She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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