Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
