Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
