are you still at the devil's house?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
