I want to make a zoo with you.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
