He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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