maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
