Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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