She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
