I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
