I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
