You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
