He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
