Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
sex in a hospital.. check
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
