Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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