how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
