woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
