best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
