What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
