she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
