pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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