Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
