I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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