Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
