I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
