just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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