I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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