just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
