Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize