Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
