U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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