Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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