Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
